Originally published on my private blog on March 12, 2015:
Where to even begin regarding the impact that going to the Simeon Trust Workshop had on me. And not just the workshop itself but the conversations with other ladies that pointed me in a different direction than I was doing. Realizing how bad I am at studying the Bible and the incredible need for studying with other believers. And yet my still having the desire to teach and share with others what the Bible says and to awaken a passion within them for God’s Word and knowing it. To spend a few days surrounded by other Christian women who are passionate about studying God’s Word and want to do it correctly was an amazing experience. Too often I feel that others around me aren’t as invested in studying God’s Word as I am or don’t have the desire to know and read the Bible like I do. Oh that others would see the joy that can be found in knowing God through His Word!
As I continue on this path of teaching and leading, I have found that while leading a discussion group is part of it, my heart is to teach. BSF leadership training is not the direction to prepare me for that. I’ve struggled a bit with being at BSF, finding it not as deep as what I would like. While I have learned a lot this year through the study of Moses – the holiness of God and the horribleness of our sin – it’s still a more basic study than what I would prefer. And there is a tendency for the text to be moralized in order to bring out application, when perhaps there really isn’t a direct application in that particular text. After conversations at the workshop, I’ve come to the decision that continuing in BSF is not the route I want to take. I will likely finish out the year but not continue in the fall. Dropping BSF will free me up for other potential Bible studies or perhaps even teaching opportunities with Sunday School. Though I don’t know that I really am good enough for teaching. Perhaps starting with teaching theology rather than a direct Bible study will give me room to grow in how I study the Bible and help me to become more proficient at it before leading an actual study.
I’ve also seen that I long for actual Bible study, not just a book discussion group. But others don’t seem to have that desire, at least not as strongly.
I think part of the allure or encouragement of the workshop was being around other women that seemed to be similar to where I am in my spiritual walk. Sometimes I feel alone, that with the books I read I’m further ahead than others and find it hard to have conversations. But I have to be mindful of pride and remember that I’m only where I’m at because of God’s grace to me. And I need to learn how to pass on my knowledge in a way that can be understood and help others to grow further.